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I love a good story….

Whenever I hear a good one, a laugh out-louder, I think of my dad and how he never tired of hearing and telling a good ol’ knee slapper.  The rest of us had our own opinions of his reruns and several people would see him coming and scoot out of the way.  Others would humor him and listen to what they knew was coming and laugh anyway for the lost-count time.

Dad’s gone almost 18 years now, but I can imagine a two minute out-louder, his head back, his big hand slapping a knee over a joke making its way around the email circuit.  I think I’ve seen it before and if Dad could adopt it I would hear it again and again.

A thank you to Jim Knowles for keeping it in circulation.

UNDERWEAR IS IMPORTANT!!

If you don’ t laugh out loud at this one, call the morgue and reserve a table, because you are dead….

Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working under your vehicle…

From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis.  Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into public ones.  Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. She took a deep breath and stood up boldly to face the crowd.

She looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband, who had been standing idly by.

The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his head..

Not for Minnesota only

After the initial first cup of coffee, I’ll check the email for the WNOX weather report so I know which of my many gowns I wear to work and if I have to plan extra time to hunt down an umbrella which is more than likely in the car or at work.  They include road reports so I know which part of the interstate I need to avoid and a line or two of news.

This morning I was skimming the email and listening to Fox & Friends out of the ear closest to the TV.  Fox & Friends were reporting the group deaths of 14 polo ponies in a barn just before a race.  The news line in the WNOX email was:

PETA is pecking away at NASCAR fans doing the chicken dance. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants the Guinness records people to ignore an attempt to set a new record for the chicken dance.

WHY?  Are we insulting chickens? We EAT chickens! Hey, PETA!  Concern yourselves with cock fights less than 25 miles from my house!  Stop pit bull breeding!  Investigate the polo ponies’ deaths! Invade puppy farms and if you’re so concerned with chickens, open the cages and command they run free, but THE CHICKEN DANCE??

Take a gander (pardon the pun) and lighten up!!


Not for sissies

If the theory of DNA Memory is true, that we genetically carry the footprints of our ancestors, shadows of their cultures, then there are sub-conscious rumblings in my soul and echoes of flutes and drums in my veins that connect me to Ireland .  I close my eyes and see green hills and Maureen O’Hara.

No?  I don’t believe the DNA thing either.  It just sounded good.  According to Ancestry.com my European heritage is all of Europe.  Lines weave backward through myriad shire and kingdom finding root through Troy to Goshen back to Abraham himself.

Yet, I feel so much more Irish than say, Prussian or Italian.  That could have something to do with growing up with the surname of Murphy and listening to Dad talking about his Murphy line, who was the immigrant, etc.  Mom also spoke of her Dutch line of sailors.  I just wasn’t that fascinated.  Sorry, Mom.  But, aye now, the Irish, the twinkling eyes, the roguish smiles, the castles, the green shutters and stone fences, the dancing and drums …  much more fun than say, wooden shoes.

We’re watching the Best of Riverdance.  When I emerged from the Celtic store in Gatlinburg last week proudly waving my purchase, my son-in-law chuckled and said “as opposed to the Worst Of?”  After viewing of the Best Of and remembering my experience of the live performance in Minneapolis, I’ve concluded that the Worst Of would look the same.  There is no Worst.

It can only be described as an experience.  You watch, you feel, you meld with it and believe all you have to do is put on the tap shoes and you are one of them.  That night my friend Lisa and I persisted 65 dark miles through winter wind and snow, and froze our fingers and cheekbones walking to the old Minneapolis Theatre.  The stage was wooden, the floors were wooden, the seats creaky and packed close together, barely room to peel off the parkas.

Lisa educated me all the way there on theater behavior.  She studied theater, there is protocol.  There is prescribed pattern.  By first curtain, if theater is a verb, I knew how to.  Then the thunder of steeled toes and heels vibrated through the stage, the floors, the seats and penetrated the bodies.  At the first opportunity to do so, the whole of the audience flew to their feet, shouting, whistling, applauding hard enough to wear on the tendon and joint.  Lisa must have been in theatrical shock but she too rose to her feet eventually, commenting later that she thought she was at a hockey game after a double overtime.

You too can buy the DVD in Dolby, set up the surround sound, crank up the subwoofer, and swim in the magic of Riverdance.  But …. until they’re in front of you on a wooden stage, passionately stomping out their heritage, until you’re watching “by the seat of your pants,” you haven’t felt Riverdance.  If you have that opportunity, you just may hear some Irish in your blood.

A Cool Blog Chain

I copied the list from Angie.  She highlighted in blue what she’d done in the list.  I will comment in red on each that applies to me in some way.

You didn’t really think I’d play it straight, did you?

1. Started your own blog, —Or you wouldn’t be reading it
2. Slept under the stars— On lumpy ground, did not sleep well, won’t do again
3. Played in a band –Does Jr.High band qualify? Oh, you mean a real one.
4. Visited Hawaii –No, but I plan on staying in a Holiday Inn Express someday
5. Watched a meteor shower –Always too late
6. Given more than you can afford to charity –Once but no regrets
7. Been to Disneyland/world –Once but the kids were too small to remember
8. Climbed a mountain –Many times in a car, once on a cograil
9. Held a praying mantis –I think so
10. Sang a solo –Thought I’d die and sounded like it was seconds away
11. Bungee jumped —Trampoline
12. Visited Paris –On the list
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea —How about a really big lake?
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch –Is crochet an art?
15. Adopted a child –Should have
16. Had food poisoning –Tossed Orange Crush in New Mexico
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty –Senior trip
18. Grown your own vegetables –Do Mom’s count? Mine are runts
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France –No, but I did see The DaVinci Code twice
20. Slept on an overnight train –Slept on train seats at night but no berths
21. Had a pillow fight –At multiple slumber parties and with the sisters
22. Hitch hiked –Picked up hitch hikers
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill –May have started out a little sick
24. Built a snow fort –Many times
25. Held a lamb –Not many sheep in Cameron
26. Gone skinny dipping —Memory washed clean
27. Run a Marathon –Why?
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice –I’ll bet the sailboat on Lake Pickerel smelled better
29. Seen a total eclipse –Through a box
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset –Many at the lake in Minnesota. Want to see the pictures?
31. Hit a home run –Tried, failed, repeatedly
32. Been on a cruise –Speedboats and row Boats
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person–adding to list
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors– Gettin’ close
35. Seen an Amish community –Got lost in Iowa looking for one. How do you get lost in Iowa?
36. Taught yourself a new language– Some pig latin, forgot most of it
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied –The two are not associated
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person –It’ll fall
39. Gone rock climbing –Does stumbling over rocks trying to climb the aforementioned partial mountain apply?
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David –Not without a license.
41. Sung karaoke —No freakin’ way
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt –Yes and it wasn’t faithful, it was 30 min late
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant –planning on it
44. Visited Africa –don’t like seeing animals eat each other and head for me next
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight –Must have been after losing memory skinny dipping
46. Been transported in an ambulance –There’s still time
47. Had your portrait painted –that boat sailed years ago
48. Gone deep sea fishing –Sorry, just perch in Minnesota.
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person –Was that in The DaVinci Code too?
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris —been to the top of the Empire State in the fog
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling –Tried without training, nearly drowned
52. Kissed in the rain– Kissed a few frogs—rain, sun, and snow
53. Played in the mud –As a child much to Mom’s displeasure
54. Gone to a drive-in theater –Frequently when I was under 12 and several buck nights after that
55. Been in a movie –home movies, mostly with the kids at hockey games
56. Visited the Great Wall of China –Canceled the trip after I heard there aren’t any rest rooms
57. Started a business —Working on it
58. Taken a martial arts class —HA EE YAH! (no)
59. Visited Russia –no fun after they picked off the Czar
60. Served at a soup kitchen –Served chili in a homeless shelter once
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies –Counted, delivered, collected. Will never do that again!
62. Gone whale watching –Sorry, just perch in Minnesota.
63. Gotten flowers for no reason —There’s still time
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma –Every time the bus shows up
65. Gone sky diving –Waiting for senility
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp –A goal
67. Bounced a check –Unknowingly. Forgive me.
68. Flown in a helicopter –too loud
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy –They’re in the spare room
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial –Senior trip
71. Eaten Caviar –Didn’t like it
72. Pieced a quilt –Watched Mom
73. Stood in Times Square– Senior trip
74. Toured the Everglades –Voluntarily? ain’t gonna happen!
75. Been fired from a job –Specify which one
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London –They’re such party animals, I can’t wait
77. Broken a bone –Had my heart broken a few times
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle –Rode briefly on one while pregnant, it broke down and we had to walk home
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person –1967
80. Published a book –Working on it
81. Visited the Vatican –Really low on the list
82. Bought a brand new car –Do demos count?
83. Walked in Jerusalem –Really high on the list
84. Had your picture in the newspaper –The kids have
85. Read the entire Bible –Skipped around a lot but don’t know if I’ve read every word
86. Visited the White House –Senior trip but couldn’t go in. Took a group picture on the lawn
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating —Watched parents kill a lot of chickens
88. Had chickenpox –As a baby
89. Saved someone’s life –Don’t know
90. Sat on a jury —Got out of it twice
91. Met someone famous –By whose definition of famous–famous like around town? Met the mayor at the VFW
92. Joined a book club –And canceled and joined and canceled and joined…
93. Lost a loved one –Parents and a brother
94. Had a baby –Two full term, one miscarriage
95. Seen the Alamo in person –Saw the movie…
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake –and get all salty?? No!
97. Been involved in a law suit –Not yet.
98. Owned a cell phone –Many
99. Been stung by a bee —Sixteen yellow jackets on bare legs. Boy, did I dance

R & R

There are reasons you aren’t seeing daily updates on how wonderful the babies are.  They are.  I’m not blogging on how worthwhile the 14 one way highway hours are–yet.  They are not even inconvenient.  I don’t yet have dozens of pictures showing off these beautiful children. They are that as well.  Besides, we’ve been here since Saturday evening and I’ve taken one picture.

I’m on vacation and these little people are very, very active.  I should have the camera around my neck but the 16 month old would have it either figured out or dismantled by now.  His fine motor skills are off the charts.

I’m on vacation.  I’m down early and exhausted, then wakened early by footfalls and toythrows on hardwood floors.  I am now acquainted with Curious George, Bunny Town, Wallace and Gromit, and Dora.  (My mother-in-law had a friend she called Dumb Dora but I don’t think there’s a connection).  The highest level of adult entertainment during child hours is Rocky and Bullwinkle. The baby giggles non stop at it and the 4 year old hits the rewind on the intro to Dudley Doright several times so he can pretend he’s riding a horse backward.  However …….those DVDs are mine and will go back home with me even though the kids love it.  (The dvds are miiiiiiiiine.)

There is no Foxnews, no USA, no Discovery, History, or Science Channels while the kids are up—as it should be.  I will save the world later with my ever increasing knowledge and awareness of world affairs.  Meantime,  —pulling the baby out of the dog’s water dish requires my attention.  And then there’s snacks, naps, and diaper changes.  The four year old increases time consumption x 2 with rhymes, tackles, story telling, and the inevitable toy tugging with the baby. “No, Owen, that’s not yours! Nanny!”

I’m busy by choice.  Come back later.  Whenever.