I didn’t take pictures

I was informed through email at work that Buster was coming to the house. Oh, don’t you remember Buster? He’s the guy who says he’ll restretch the carpet as a favor, a ministry of sorts. That’s nice. So tonight we need to clear out the dining room and master bedroom furniture. (pause) That’s nice.

We scooted the china cabinet without unloading much, the drop leaf secretary, table, and chairs. I’m an old hand at this. I rearrange furniture on a regular basis, have been since I was nine. We moved the night stands, the vanity table. No problem.

Jim brought Buster to the house and helped Honey move more stuff. When I came home yesterday stuff was stacked and shoved into corners. Buster was quietly de-wrinkling the carpet here and there. Honey proudly pointed out what was once lumpy was now smooth. Cool. I cooked chicken and baked potatoes. When all was finished and we sat down to eat, Buster casually mentioned he doesn’t eat chicken. Have another potato.

Since the mattress and box spring had to be removed and the sheets were just moved to the dryer, now was a good time to put the bed back together. Slats first, box second, unreasonably heavy mattress last. Later, as I was checking the email one more time, the call came to help with the sheets and blanket. No problem. I flipped and snapped the top sheet as Mom had taught me, tucked it in and reached for the blanket. As I raised it to snap it and let it float down for smoothing and tucking, it caught my left middle fingernail and ripped that puppy open left side to right side all but an 1/8 th of an inch off halfway down the nail bed! I did not swear, not because I’m so holy, but because I had no more ability than to mime an “AAHH!!” and no air to swear with. I rinsed it and taped the homeless part down with a band aid so I could try to sleep.

Tammy, I don’t know how many applications I’ll get done for you today. I ripped my nail almost off. How did you manage that? I was making the bed. I moved furniture without incident but tore off a nail making a BED!

I’ve decided I don’t like making beds.

To shorten the story, I bathed, dressed and pinned on the hair piece with one hand. I made enough time to go to Wally’s for nail glue, fake nails, and those funny rubber finger tips all the while trying not to move the affected finger lest the band aid pull on it causing me to levitate 5 feet straight up.

The glue and fake nail sealed and immobilized it so that it feels like I only thumped it with a heavy object. As for before and after 8×10 portraits, I’ll let you use your imagination.

I did not take a picture….. yet. Let’s wait and see what it looks like when the fake nail loosens.


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