Lights Out for Earth

To save it?  If you believe that, then when I get all my teeth pulled someday to make way for dentures, I’ll make some serious coin off the tooth fairy just in time to retire comfortably.

Climate change is normal.  It is very real.  It happens all on its own and has been for however old the earth is.  We are not causing it and we are massively incapable of controlling it!! There were no SUV’s or lightbulbs causing the global temperature increase a thousand years ago, an increase that supported vineyards on Greenland.  (Mommy, Mommy, why did they call it Green?)

Can you say cows haven’t destroyed us yet?  It’s a hoax, folks.

Everyone is to go dark for an hour around the world in order to demonstrate the reduction of carbon emissions.  If this heavily publicized effort is simultaneous, I hope your doors are locked and your hopelessly politically incorrect firearms are loaded.  Hey, if anyone out there needs to offset running the dishwasher, I need some new trees and bushes……..

I’ve got news for you.  I don’t own enough light bulbs, exclusively incandescent-thank-you-no-mercury-in-my-house, to make the kind of statement that expresses my true feelings on Earth Night.  Nevertheless, the washer is running, the TV’s on, both porch lights are absolutely raging, and if I could find it, I would proudly and defiantly put the honkin’, bright yellow, 5 pound, 1 million candlepower flashlight on the porch railing, pointing straight up so Al Gore can see it from his fuel-pig private jet.

Amen.  Where’s the Tylenol?


2 thoughts on “Lights Out for Earth

  1. You know that Al Gore thinks you’re the equivalent of a Flat Earther, don’t you? That’s what he says about all you global warming deniers. Infidels!

    Of course, he says it while relaxing on his gas-hog of a private jet, as you say…

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