Perfect purse

I have 29 in the closet and drawers, 8 rejects still round somewhere, an unknown quantity trashed, and miscellaneous wallets, change purses, and cell phone pouches.  They include a 4×4 shopping-only size to sparkly for dinner size to compartmentalized to no compartments to 2′ wide shoulder totes, most are black and I hate them all.

I have not found the perfect purse.  It does not exist.  Let me qualify that.  The perfect one size fits all purse for every occasion does not exist for me.  I come from an age in which we switched out for the season and for the occasion.  According to the rules of my youth, you don’t drag the big canvas on a date to a restaurant highclass enough for linens and a wine list, you carry the teeny one that holds the lipstick and mirror, and matches the heels. 

The rules are now the way of the dodo bird.  All kinds of options are available and no one is going to tell you what is and is not proper for what occasions.  Certain groups will look at you as if you have a live cat on your head if you try to anyway.  Fine.  But I’m still warped forever by the same rules that declare I can’t wear white shoes or pants after Labor Day unless it’s winter white.  I’m getting better though.

Right now I’m going through a new phase.  I stuff absolutely everything I think I’m going to need outside my house in a big bag for the car and the frequently used items in as small and compact a bag as I can stand.  So far it’s not working well.  I drag the car bag around too.  (sigh)  I’m in prison.  I mean, what if I get a paper cut? What then? Huh? I need the big bag!  It has 3 kinds of bandaids in it! And aspirins and saline and kleenex and wipes for spills and  …. stuff. Necessary stuff.

I think I have it figured out.  I’ll have a fully stocked big bag in my desk drawer, a matching big bag in the car and carry one of three types (or 4. give me a break, there’s no counselling for this) depending on the occasion.  I have a little 4×4 for shopping that holds the phone, the cards, parking cash, and a lipstick.  I have a collection of pretty date night clutches about the same size.  What I need now is the Buxton Bag.  It’s over the shoulder and adjustable leaving my hands free, lays close to the body, expandable for a water bottle or a book, it’s compartmentalized, about 12×12, and holds just enough so that I don’t have to run clear to the car for a … or a …. maybe a …. stuff.  But until I can afford a Buxton, I switch out frequently because it doesn’t take long to get frustrated with the one I am currently carrying.  Take Wednesday, for instance.  That was the day after our icy roads.

I had been carrying a small hobo bag.  It’s soft sided, not so deep things get lost, and pretty.  Well, things got lost and I ended up dumping it out to find the clippers and the cell phone rang to voice mail because it was buried. So I switched. I was 1/2 mile down the road, heading for work early to catch up on some hours missed on Tuesday and realized I’d forgotten my phone.  Not knowing if all the ice was melted or if more was going to freeze up later, I wanted the security.  I turned around, went back, pulled up in the driveway and started the search in the new old purse for the house keys.  No keys.  Dig, dig, dig. No keys. No choice but to head for work phoneless which feels like I forgot my shoes.

Sure enough, after emails with the man who wasn’t going straight home, arrangements to meet at the church for a key transfer after a 10 hour day, I rolled in at 8:30 and let myself in.  Yup, my set of keys was in the purse in the drawer. Then I noticed I have 3 keys and the house has 5 locks, and proceeded to run around checking which key opens what.  Two of the three opens the patio bolt and knob.  One opens the front door bolt, not the knob.  None open the laundry room door.  Maybe we have our keys mixed up.

When Honey gets home, we test his keys.  He can open the laundry room door but not the front door, bolt or knob.  So neither of us can open the front door.  New knob sets just to get new keys?  Get extras color coded?  Or, we could see what’s on TV and pull a Scarlett — tomorrow is another day.

And to think they let us drive and vote.


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