The aids epidemic? How about a sort of quarantine? Like, abstinence? It works every time it’s tried.
Next! What’s hot? Global warming!
How about the first woman of prominence and power in Washington? That’s right …. Condoleeza Rice!
Maybe the readers want to decide on the controversial topics.
In the meantime, I’ll tell you about my first failed attempt to procure a dress for my daughter’s wedding scheduled in Las Vegas the first of April. My buddy, Nancy, also needs a dress for her niece’s wedding. And we’re off like a herd of birds!
We head for the big mall on the west end of town to the high end department store where 50% off requires financial planning. I was tempted to ask for the Fat Cow Stalls or the Tent and Awning display but instead asked to see the formal wear for mothers of brides.
In this corner we find black with gold, black with flowers, black with sparkles, long black, flared black, black pants, and black velvet reminiscent of tigers and Elvis paintings. None of it is fitted which is so 10 years ago for me anyway.
We found an employee our age wearing cowboy boots and a short skirt (the country’s truly going to hell).
“Where are dresses somewhere between prom and denim? Something we can wear to a wedding and again to church the next Sunday?” we ask.
“Honey, you go down that way, hit that wall and go left.” She said hit that wall three times if she said it once.
Who drops the checkered flag and shouts “on your mark, get set, go?” If we hit it too hard, who’s going to drive home and will we leave a mark on both the wall and our faces?
Nothing there either. Where’s the ladies room?
We looked at everything. Wrong color, wrong size, wrong price. It’s either black and will send a negative message to the groom or it’s white. White’s been taken.
We gave up on the high end store and worked our way down through the other 3 major department stores and window shopped all in between. Since when are slips and babydoll jammies worn on the outside? Some of these store are so tacky if you shout “Ho-down” in the doorway, it could get ugly.
It didn’t take long to get thoroughly discouraged. We ended up in a yarn shop. At least the day wasn’t a total loss.
Next week we venture out again. Maybe there’s something at Ross or TJ Max. I haven’t completely written off the high end place. They have great shoes, bags, and earrings. I just need to fill in between them with something that doesn’t look like the Michelin man in drag.
This old lady stuff sucks.