One of the many things for which I am grateful is the plentiful supply of notepaper that comes in the church bulletin every week. The staff refers to them as inserts on which are the hot announcements printed on brightly colored paper rather than inside the bulletin in small print where it would be just too easy to miss them. As soon as I can, I find them and flip them over to see if they are blank on the back so that I can write notes to Honey, jot down a Kroger’s list and blog subjects as they come to me. Sometimes the latter is inspired by the sermon I am concentrating on.
This last Sunday on the return trip I started writing and ran out of space. Have you ever started a little note and end up drawing arrows, running down margins and squeezing in words now so small in such poor penmanship you know you won’t understand even your own notes?
What dawns on me is that truths dawn on me. It’s that avenue that God speaks to me now and then. He just steps into my strings of thought and whammo–a truth!—something that I know that I know that I know is a Holy Spirit slap upside the head! Literally, He has to interrupt me.
When Honey and I were first married, I wrapped myself in the “two shall become one” thing so much so that I totally misinterpreted it. My “sunrise” happened in the middle of a Joyce Meyer sermon in which she pointed out the word “become.” Hmmm. Interesting. It isn’t “shall suddenly be”, it’s “become” and as she put it, the becoming can take years and years and years. Another painful revelation within that phrase is that it does not say “shall think alike” either suddenly or over at least 33 years so far.
When I am asleep, I dream. The nanosecond I am awake, I start in thinking, maybe thinking straight and logically, maybe just chain thinking to the point that something is playing out in my head and I stop and try to retrace how I got there. This is not a sign of intelligence or insanity but simply of ….. I have no idea. Let me think about it. No, I don’t hear voices, but I do have conversations with myself. You who know me think I don’t shut up. You should hear the inside!! Doesn’t everybody’s brain constantly go?
Years ago I would be mentally rambling on and notice that Honey was sort of quiet. Still under the delusion that “the two should be as one to the point of thinking alike,” I was incredulous when I asked him what he was thinking and he would reply (and has replied consistently the same for 33 years) “Nothing.” “No, really, what were you thinking when I asked you what you were thinking?” And again, “Nothing.” Neither is this condition a sign of a lack of intelligence. I’ve come to realize that some people just enjoy. Honey just observes and enjoys when he doesn’t have to think about something important. It’s also a real possibility that he deems only important thoughts should be acknowledged rather than report a prattle list.
At any rate, it’s a gift. Sometimes I wish that would happen to me, sometimes around 2:00 am.
Maybe that characteristic is why I enjoy this journaling hobby. I never seem to run out of material. Just think how long my entries would be if I didn’t experience the short term memory losses that come with age? I’ve decided that no information is forever gone but at this point there are so many details getting so disheveled that the inside of my head looks like a teenager’s bedroom.
Now if I had one of those inserts I could write that down. Hey, I just did!